BELIEVE IN MIRACLES

I don’t know about you but I believe in miracles. Not because I have proof or anything like that, only because in my lifetime, I am lucky to have witnessed two of the greatest miracle workers my country ever produced at work. Their names alone strike fear into the hearts of wandering demons and underworld princesses. Those names are:  PASTOR CHRIS OYAKHILOME and PROPHET T.B. JOSHUA.

Pastor-Chris-Oyakhilome-and-Prophet-TB-Joshua

Typing those names alone sent shivers down my spine. If you’re hearing these names for the first time, and are unfamiliar with their work, let me enlighten you with a hip hop analogy: These two are to the exorcist game what Drake and Kendrick Lamar are to the rap game. Pastor Chris being the Drake in this situation and Prophet TBJ being the Kdot. I’ll give a brief description of each below.

 

PASTOR CHRIS

Pastor-Chris4

Beloved pastor, author, singer and Ph.D holder (Ph.D – Pretty Huge Divinity). Pastor Chris took an alternative approach to casting out demons to huge success. This is the first man I ever saw on Tv to sweet talk a demon to death. His method is very scientific if you think about it

  • First, he gets in touch with the demon’s emotions. Tries to understand the motivations of the demon. Holds hands with the human vessel and sometimes hugs them. You know, he’s like a therapist but one with godlike powers.

 

  • Second, he serenades the demon, sometimes with a song from his youth, other times with ballroom dancing and lots of eye contact. Seriously tho, What demon could resist this?

Chris-Oyakhilome

 

  • Third, he explains the situation to the demon. “You know I can’t have you possessing one of my members” sometimes in tears… sometimes the demon is in tears… sometimes the audience is in tears… I’m just saying, there’s a lot of tears involved.

 

  • Finally he expels the demon with a gentle breeze of his minty fresh breath. The demon swoons. It’s pretty much game over after that.

 

PROPHET TBJ

Prophet-TB-Joshua

Earlier I compared this man (of God) with Kendrick Lamar and its not just because both men call themselves Prophets… Prophet TBJ really doesn’t care about the hood politics or conventions of the healing game… that demon is coming out one way or another.

Prophet TBJ declares all out war on all demons and tolerates no arguments. He’s been known to whip demons, berate demons, lock them up, arrest demons (with handcuffs).

His deliverance equipment reads like something out of the SAW movie series or a hardcore BDSM fantasy – ropes, canes, masks, cages, you name it, he has it.  Needless to say, by the time he’s done with a demon, they’re left extremely sore by the experience. All this he does with a wry smile on his face.

tbj

 

Now that I’m done adoring these great men (of God), I want to address an issue…

A lot of nonbelievers and atheists would argue.. “This is stupid, miracles aren’t real” and “If miracles are real, and exorcism is true, how come there are still a lot of crazy people on the street?” You have a point, there are a lot of crazy people out there. But I will answer that question how all great men of God have answered questions, with a parable….

 

Once upon a time I was strolling through our neighbourhood market and as fate would have it, there was a notorious madman roaming the streets. A Keke Napep pastor at the time, new to the rules and regulations of miracle working, looked to challenge himself and his faith and saw this as an opportunity to show himself.

“I will cure that madman” he said.

The traders on the street scoffed, unbelieving; but the pastor was not deterred. The madman stood by the gutter, staring into the horizon when the pastor approached him.

“MADMAN” the pastor called out.

The madman, shocked by the address, responded “What did you call me?”

“I want to introduce you to my God!” the pastor continued. “The one that will cure all your problems!”

“Who told you I have problems?” asked the madman.

The Pastor bellowed “Do not be afraid!!! The God I am speaking of is up there in the heavens. Look up.”

The madman looked up. “I can’t see anything”

“It is because you are blind! You are blind to the word of God!! I said LOOK UP”

“There is nothing there.”

“You are not looking properly. LOOK UP”

ORIJIN STORIES

Sometimes I feel like the origin stories of my favorite actors and musicians are made up fairy tales. In fact, sometimes I feel like Wikipedia profiles are absolute crap. I’ll explain.

Take someone like D’Banj for instance– African Music Megastar, Cultural Icon, Gifted Entertainer and World Class Fela Impersonator.

dbanj

Now, according to his internet biography, D’Banj once worked as a security guard in the UK before he became a musician.

Assuming this were to be true, could you just imagine the mannerisms and hilarisms of D’Banj being a security guard? Exactly what kind of organization would hire such a skinny fellow to stand guard at the gate?  Do security uniforms come in sleeveless shirts and bootcut trouser varieties?

Pulse-D-banj-as-Fela

…and how come not a single customer of said institution has ever stepped forward to testify to the fact that D’banj once welcomed them in through the doors. It would seem like a pretty memorable event to have D’Banj usher you into the building..

Customer enters

Security man: “Oshe!! Welcome-to-Customer-Care-Services-UK-Limited-PLC-Im-D’Banj… or-Ski-Banj-like-my-Jamaican-friends-call-me-and-BEFORE-you-enter-the-building-please-permit-me-to-inspect-that-BIG-BIG-BIG-BOOTY”

Customer: ‘Can I go in with my bag?’

Security man: “FIILE!! Don’t touch it. Leave it! We will take-care-of-it for you.”

Customer: ‘Will it be safe?’

Security man: “No long tin. No long tin.”

Customer: ‘Can you direct me to the receptionist’s desk?’

Security man: “Just move that booty to the left of the corridor and you will meet one mamalette with a green blouse. Just ask her “WHY ME OH!” She will direct you to a babylette on the second floor. She will tell you the koko.”

You know what? On second thought—I think he would make an excellent security guard.

Now, DON JAZZY’s origin story is totally unbelievable, not to mention unacceptable.

Don-Jazzy

The story is that he used to sell akara when he was a toddler, but I don’t see how that can be true… he would be giving away akara for free like it was water—

–I mean have you seen this guy’s twitter account? The guy is too generous. He practically gives away a new car every week.

The only way I could really see Don Jazzy as an akara seller was if a customer vexed the guy and got him angry for some reason. Like imagine if a  customer tried to steal some akara from him and he caught them…

Customer: “Is it because of one akara I tried to take from you that you’re frowning like this? This small akara?”

Akara seller: ‘Egbon Customer, If you want the akara, come and take it.’
don jazzy fallout

Are there any origin stories of your favorite celebrities that you think are absolute balderdash? Feel free to comment below…

 

P/S Don’t forget to check out my Amazon page for books, comics and lots more content. Thanks for reading.

LET’s TALK ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE

I just like the way white people operate, very smooth and calm like, ya know?

I mean don’t get me wrong, I love Black people, I love Asians, I love Hispanics, Smurfs, whatever your skin colour… that’s not the point of this post. It’s just that, white people have this, quality…

Take a country like ours for instance. If you bring a white man to your business the business will mysteriously start to grow. Lemme repeat that statement for you guys just in case you didn’t get that, in pidgin. If you bring oyibo come your shop, market go dey move. I’m not even joking about this.

The white dude doesn’t even have to do anything. Seriously, let’s test this. Find the nearest white guy in your area (this might be harder for those of you in Ojuelegba) and place him in front of your shop; right next to the carton of Indomie, and watch the business grow. Double props if it’s a white girl. It doesn’t even matter if she has like 50 tattoos or something. It’s all good. White people tattoos are the least dangerous tattoos you can think of…

tattoo

Have you seen when a white guy is covering the news, like when an earthquake happens?

Very calm and collected reporting–

“Three hundred people were killed today in Earthquake Rebecca today and fifty more were left injured. The disaster occurred at 3o’clock in the afternoon…” all with a straight face.

tv-reporter

You’d think she was telling a bedtime story or something.

Even when the disaster victim is white they’re still chill about it—

“Sir the earthquake took us all by surprise.. can you please tell us what happened, in your own words”

“Well, I was walking my dog around the area when I heard some strange noises. The ground began to shake so I thought ‘that’s weird’ that doesn’t usually happen, so I took cover under that tree, took a selfie and dialed 911…”
whos-that-girl-reporter-for-fox-sports-28-hq-photos-28

It’s surreal.

Now Imagine if the earthquake happened in this country. Even that imagination alone is enough to make some people shout “God forbid” at their phone screens talk less of the earthquake itself. Say an earthquake happened in Ikorodu…

“Sir the earthquake took us all by surprise.. can you please describe what happened in your own wor–”
….
“Chei! CHEI! Oh mY God, OH MY GOD……

I was just taking my baff next thing I heard.. GbUruMGBURUUURRUgburum so I jumped outside the window. That is why you are seeing me in my towel right now. I don’t think I can enter that house again until ma Pastor prays over the compound…”
…..

You know as a kid I used to think white people weren’t afraid of danger but that has to be ridiculous right? Everbody gets scared, right? right?

I remember watching a show called Jackass. In this show the characters would do the most humiliating hurtful things to their bodies. Like fight with bees and jump into a pool of ice water and fight bulls and shit. Now I noticed something about the characters of this show.

jackass

None of them were black.

They even had a white midget in there but no black guys. That show would never survive today.
….

Okay one last thing, to close out the post–

Remember the olden days when our forefathers lived in huts and wore lion skin and stuff? If you watch Africa Magic you know what I’m talking about.
The time where an African child’s mother would be like “My son, whatever you do, don’t go into the evil forest. If you go there you will DIE!”
And the son would say “No mother. I will not go into the evil forest. I do not want to DIE”

Now imagine if that woman adopted a white kid.

“William, I beg of you, in the name of God, do not go into the evil forest for any reason. If you do, you will DIE”

The white kid goes “Mom it’s okay, I went there yesterday it wasn’t that bad”

 

P/S Don’t forget to check out my Amazon page for books, comics and lots more content. Thanks for reading.

AN INTERVIEW WITH TROLLS RIGHTS ACTIVIST – LOGIC LAUGHS

 

Ladies and/or gentlemen and people of all color welcome to the show,

we have a very special guest with us tonight… he is a very popular trolls rights activist, novelist and local singer… erm, he is the voice behind the hashtag #TrollsUnite and the founder of the Society for the Advancement of Trolling Rights Everywhere – #SATIRE please give a warm welcome to Logic Laughs.

 

applause-sign

 

Logic Laughs:  Thank you all, It’s great to be here

       Interviewer:  It’s great to have you here on the show Logic, can I call you Logic?

Logic Laughs:  Of course you can. I’m a very nice person. *CROSSES LEGS*

Interviewer:  I’m just going to get off the bat here, erm, because we’re all dying to hear your story… What inspired you to be a trolls rights activist?

Logic Laughs:  Thank you Oprah, I get that question a lot. I remember the first time I was called a Troll. I was posting some random tweets, you know on the website, Twitter?

     Interviewer:  mm hmm

Logic Laughs:  and out of the blue someone replies one of my tweets and tells me to “stop trolling”

     Interviewer:  They told you to “stop trolling”?

Logic Laughs:  *SIGHS* Yes

     Interviewer:  Terrible

Logic Laughs:  now obviously I didn’t know what trolling meant at the time

     Interviewer:  mm hmm

Logic Laughs:  so I typed in “trolling” into google search, and before I could finish typing,   some google suggestions started to appear

     Interviewer:  What kinds of suggestions?

Logic Laughs:  Like “I hate trolls” “Trolls are disgusting” “Trolls are the devil” stuff like that.

 

trolls

     Interviewer:  Just awful

Logic Laughs:  What’s even worse is that, I finally hit search, and there were all these…    depictions of trolls as monsters, trolls as computer geeks and stuff…

….Even in movies, like there’s this one movie where a troll walks into a girl’s    bathroom and tries to attack her –

     Interviewer:  What movie was that?

Logic Laughs:  Harry Potter, I think it was called

*AUDIENCE GASPS*

Logic Laughs:  and I remember thinking, how could anyone film something like this? A   troll would never attack anyone, much less a child, but they had us  attacking little girls in bathrooms.

     Interviewer:  It must have been an awful experience for you.

Logic Laughs:  *IN TEARS* It was.

     Interviewer: So what happened next?

Logic Laughs:  So I decided that I wasn’t going to take it anymore

*AUDIENCE CLAPS*

 

I decided that I would go out and do something about it you know. We trolls are as valid contributors to the society as any other person out there, I mean you can find us on, on Reddit forums, you can find us on Youtube comment sections, iMDb message boards, back seats of stadiums – we have a right to exist as much as anyone else.

 

bts_audience_applause

 

     Interviewer:  A very, very brave story. Erm… we have a caller for Logic on the line from   Boston, she is a mother of two and her name is Andrea. How are you  Andrea?

Andrea:  Great. It’s so great to be able to call in and talk to Logic Laughs, he has been an inspiration to me and my family in a big way.

     Logic Laughs:  Thank you. Glad to be of service.

Andrea:  My son recently went to school dressed like a Kardashian, and the other children actually mocked him for it

     Logic Laughs:  They mocked him?

Andrea:  I mean why can’t my son have a normal life like other kids without being vilified for it?

     Logic Laughs:  You see this is exactly what I’m talking about. This is why I fight hard everyday for #SATIRE. We need to stop the oppression of trolls. It’s ridiculous. I see no reason why a creative young man cant dress up as –   which Kardashian was that Andrea?

Andrea:  Kanye

     Logic Laughs:  – I mean it’s absolutely atrocious, don’t you think so Oprah?

Interviewer:  Stop calling me Oprah

     Logic Laughs:  – I see no reason why these people should choose to accost us just because they feel threatened by us. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

This is why as the founder of SATIRE, I am calling for the boycott of all  Harry Potter movies, Warcraft video games, lord of the Rings T-shirts and English dictionaries worldwide.

*AUDIENCE CHEERS*

Interviewer:  A very brave erm… statement. Alright before we end this segment I have a final question that I feel needs to be asked. What can ordinary citizens do to advance trolling rights?

     Logic Laughs:  It’s very simple. The key word here is tolerance, and knowing that trolls are people just like you. When you see us on your timeline or in the street, welcome us , don’t block us.

Interviewer:  So, stop blocking trolls?

     Logic Laughs:  Exactly, and there’s another technique I think might be useful

Interviewer:  Oh yea? What’s that?

     Logic Laughs:  Whenever you see a troll, you could open your mouth at them, and let some sounds come out of it.

Interviewer:  You mean like a cough?

      Logic Laughs:  Laughter, I meant laughter.

*AUDIENCE LAUGHS*

Interviewer:  Of course, well it’s been great having you on the show Logic and we hope to have you again soon.

     Logic Laughs:  Thanks for having me. It was great to be here *Adjusts Crocs*

Interviewer:  Alright, next on the show we have an interview with the leader of #STD – the Society for The Decaricaturisation of Donald Trump . Don’t touch that dial, we’ll be right back

*AUDIENCE CLAPS*

THE CURSE OF THE FIRST BORNS

N.B The Curse of the First Borns is now gaining traction on thenakedconvos.com. Check it out

THE CURSE OF THE FIRST BORNS

 

This post goes out to all first-borns in African households. By ‘first-born’ I mean that you are a first child in that family (the first to be born), and as a first child there are things you go through that other children just won’t understand…

Others will not feel your pain, when you are acting all silent and moody, then someone says… “Oh! She’s the first born” and another person says “No wonder…”

and when you’re wondering why your junior ones are getting all the cool nicknames (like Prince), but you got the most traditional names in your village (Olatunji Olakunle Bright Jnr)… and still the pastor made sure your baptismal name is AUGUSTUS

and when you read the bible story of Jacob and Esau, and Esau lost his birthright, but somehow Esau is still the bad guy for being hungry…

jacob

 

-Sometimes the society doesn’t realize the subtle oppression it puts you through..

 

but this post will surely feel your pain. This post will bring your silent struggles to light. Your many silent struggles. And why you struggle so.

 

N.B. saying ‘First-borns’ is a hell of a lot tiring so I’ll just shorten it to FIBI,

so dear readers, anytime you see FIBI in this post, know that it means ‘First-born’ okay? Let’s go…

 

  • The Pregnancy

Being FIBI means you were the first pregnancy your parents ever had to deal with, and with the first pregnancy comes the most anxiety and fear.

Simple.

Which means when you were conceived, your mother was anxious because she was new to the experience of pregnancy. ..

Before, she was thinking of new shoes and hairstyles and P Square’s album is coming out next week…

now she is gaining weight, her hormones are dancing, all these people want to touch her belle…

 

When you were conceived as FIBI, your father was new to the responsibility and the changes as well.

Before he was thinking of English Premier League and Buhari’s new budget…

now he’s thinking of Pampers and School Fees and Praying his wife is okay.

This atmosphere of anxiety could haunt you forever.

 

  • Experimentation

Now, because your parents were new to the experience of having you, there were probably more mistakes in raising you than raising your junior ones. (You know, from lack of experience)

As FIBI you are “the experiment baby”.

Your parents did not understand much about your growth. Your younger brothers and sisters did not feel this because your parents had built up the experience from having you.

I’ll give an example, when FIBI starts teething, because the mother is new to the experience, she might think

“What the hell is happening to my child? Why is there Saliva everywhere?”

But when the second or third born starts teething, she can tell the difference because

“Oh Junior is teething, I remember when it happened to FIBI.”

 

This is why the second and third borns may be growing faster than you, even though you’re eating the same food. They know how it works now.

 

  • Forbidden Fruit

In our African society, where more people have premarital sex than they like to admit; some marriages are preordained by pregnancy.

After impregnating baby girl, the only acceptable social alternative for big daddy is to marry her. In such situations, many parents see FIBI as the reason for their marriage..

and if such relationships turn bitter, you will be the reason for their problems.

“If I didn’t get pregnant with you, I wouldn’t be in this mess”

good parenting

 

Why are they blaming you for a problem you did not cause?

 

  • The responsibility

As FIBI, you are expected to be the next authority figure in the house. When the parents leave, you are expected to be the ‘man of the house’ or ‘woman of the house’.

You are expected to be in check of your siblings at all times. And if they do not behave, you are the one to take the blame. All this on your small head.

As FIBI, when you get a junior brother or sister you are expected to nurture them as well. You are supposed to be the ‘third parent’ of the kids. Their second daddy, Their second mummy.

 

You see, as a child, you are naturally programmed to see your siblings as competition. You’re thinking “Who is this other baby? And why is Mommy showing them more attention than me?” But you need to fight your programming, and protect them.

Why wont you share? Don’t you know she’s your baby sister?

Sometimes, Favouritism comes into play, and FIBI will feel isolated in their own home.

 

N.B. Don’t forget, FIBI is supposed to get married before their junior ones.

As FIBI, you need to marry quickly in order to give your brothers and sisters a chance. Why?    -Because you are FIBI of course, and this is Africa.

This is what I like to call, the FIBI Time Limit™

 

  • The only child

The only child is the double wahala of this discussion, because not only are you a first child, you are the center of attention. You are a product of anxiety that carries your entire life. Not only are you privy to all the conditions mentioned above, but now, you are the ‘only hope’ of the family.

‘only’ daughters will rarely ever have suitors that please their parents, because it’s not about the suitor, it’s the harsh reality of seeing their only daughter go. And yet, ‘only’ children are primed from childhood to breed and breed quickly and vastly.

As an only child you are prone to more and more acts of rebellion to escape your confines. Because you’re in a situation where you always feel judged, you may lash out in different ways, especially in teenage years.

Sometimes you know that your actions will be without much consequence,

“What can daddy do to me sef, am I not the only child?”

As the only child you are the most likely to explore the unknown.

 

  • Final words

Look, there is no solution to being a first born, as it is not a problem. It is a God given position, so you have to act accordingly. Make that position your own.

There are studies that say FIBI are the most intelligent children. So there’s that. But remember this intelligence only comes from being able to teach your younger ones.

If you’re a parent that treats your first child in the ways I’ve mentioned, it doesn’t make you a bad parent. This life thing can be confusing at times, but hopefully a little understanding can make a difference.

Thanks for reading.

 

P/S Don’t forget to check out my Amazon page for books, comics and lots more content. Thanks for reading.

 

SONGS BY OB

Happy new year my Princes and Princesses… It’s the year of the 6. We haven’t even gone through january and already..

Leonardo di Caprio has been raped by a bear,

the tallest building in the world is on fire

and

Real Madrid has finally found a coach that Ronaldo can’t disrespect.

As it’s a brand new year, I thought I’d try something different, so I hit the studio and mixed a track for you. It’s a love song, so you know I love you, and the lyrics are a bit crass, but so are you.

What I love about this song is it will either make you laugh or it will make you cry, but either way you get your money’s worth, because it’s absolutely free.

I call this one “Make her feel”

You can download the track here

 

 

P/S Don’t forget to check out my Amazon page for books, comics and lots more content. Thanks for reading. Feel free to Comment if you like. *smile emoji*

TODAY’S GUEST: ALL HAIL THE AFRICANIST!

 

I am happy to announce Today’s Guest is a very talented fiction writer, poet, author and good friend, Anyadu. He is a patriot to the point of being an ardent culturalist. In fact,

 

 

Anyadu(3)
Anyadu

 

 

He just got back from this year’s installment of the Ake festival some days ago, and he must have been re-ignited over there or something, because

He returned to bless us with this fire of a heartfelt short story called LOVING ANWULI
With only a few lines, he is able to present love in its deepest, innocent and most precious form.

As Anyadu boasts of numerous literary publications already, we are priviledged to give you this story, LOVING ANWULI as an exclusive

You can follow Anyadu on twitter @the_africanist and be sure to check out some other of his short stories at anyadu.wordpress.com

 

Enjoy…

 

 

LOVING ANWULI

 

We pretend.

 

We pretend we do not see each other. That we do not like each other. Occasionally, when our eyes meet… and hold, I am the one to flutter. There’s always this fearless energy in hers, like she’s daring me to come at her. Like she’s daring me to say something. I cannot confront it. And this is almost funny, because she’s never been the audacious one.

If anything, Anwuli is the class’ loner. Or she was this. For the better part of four years, she came to school shrouded in woollen sweaters. Her thick medicated spectacles bold upon the oval of her face like a giant billboard on an idle street. She was the girl who perused over old novels during free periods rather than chat about TV shows like everyone else.

 

But last term, when we came into SS2, she lost those glasses. And those awful sweaters. And began using a lip gloss. And started talking with Munachi and Daisy. About Kim Kardashian.
That was when I noticed the boys noticing her. And I noticed I noticed her. And she noticed me doing so.

 

+

 

There is no one to tell that I like Anwuli. Sometimes, I cannot even tell myself. When we talk, which is often rarely, I go home and think about her all day. Our conversations are always in sync. Like we are wired or something. Like we’ve known each other from a previous life.

Sometimes, I cringe when I think that she might say yes to some boy. Especially now that all the boys at school have their eyes on her. And then I wish things were simpler. I wish it wasn’t at all odd for girls who like each other to act on their feelings.

My aunty Dora is married, but she is also in a relationship with her friend. Mum knows about this and regularly chastises her over the phone. It shouldn’t be so, mum says. What is a woman giving you that your husband cannot give you? she asks.

 

I wonder if this will be I and Anwuli’s story someday. Groomed to conform; afraid to become anything other than society’s approximation of normal. And then from the comfort of our matrimonial homes, when we cannot anymore deceive ourselves, we would sneak into bed… and love… with one another. And have our sisters complain about it over the phone.

 

SAY HI TO OUR GUEST WRITER: NMA OKAFOR

 

This week’s guest writer is a mirror of class and beauty. She writes with the grace and soul that will have you seeing icy mountains and waterfalls with every word…

 

 

nma

 

 

Nma Okafor is a graduate of medical radiography and a businesswoman (CEO Hairtopia ng) who has taken the time out of her busy day to bless us with this heartfelt poem.

You can reach Nma on Facebook or on Twitter

She calls this piece ‘Odinobim’.

Enjoy…

 

 

Odinobim….

Words remained unspoken.                                                                                  Boundaries are uncrossed.                                                                                                   The silence remains unbroken;                                                                                                  Yes Conversations not explored

. Odinobim

Your dimpled smiles are beautiful,                                                                              Your ebony skin smoother than silk,                                                                                        Your long fingers, how graceful,                                                                                          Your white teeth,                                                                                                                           do they taste like milk?

Odinobim

One moment it is in your eyes,                                                                                   The fleeting moment it is absent.                                                                                              It is not that my decision is wise,                                                                                          But I am not made to calm the tempest.

Odinobim

I can sense the subtle invitation to speak;                                                              A constant reminder of my many thoughts.                                                                   But I cannot tell you of this what I think,                                                                         I am forced to act just as I was taught.

Odinobim

Our people have said it is not right;                                                                            I can never tell you just what I feel,                                                                                           Only a woman of the streets                                                                                                      invites a man to share her heart,                                                                                      They said a woman’s place is to be quiet.

Our people have said it is wrong;                                                                       Only a whore gives the slightest hint,                                                                                  That you would never know my worth                                                                                   if the first step is from me,                                                                                                                        So I will wait,

…what I feel remains in my heart. “

THE NIGERIAN JAMES BOND

This is a little experiment I thought I’d try out.

I was watching the movie Spectre and thinking hmmmmm “How would James Bond react if he was Nigerian?”

So I went and made a comic about it 🙂

If this gets 50 likes or over, I’ll definitely upload the rest (please make me upload the rest)

Till then I give you James Bond in.. Mumuraker part 1

Enjoy.

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P/S Don’t forget to check out my Amazon page for books, comics and lots more content. Thanks for reading. Feel free to Comment if you like. *smile emoji*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! FREE BOOK FOR YOU!

Facebook says today is my birthday day. Happy birthday day to me!! and Even though there’s no cake, I blew out some candles anyway; and the first wish that came to my mind when I closed my eyes was that

you guys would stop complaining so much about politicians.

On my Radio and TV all I hear is politicians. Senator drives this, Governor bought that, 16 billion dollar this… I have one Question: Is it your money????  Ans: Well, actually it is your money but… high BP is hard to treat. I’m just saying. Don’t worry so much.

Back to the matter. Those of you who wished me a happy birthday, this piece is for you. If you didn’t wish me a happy birthday tho, then you can go and klimb kufena mountain and fall this is for you too.

Before I proceed with the freebie I want to warn that this book is very gender sensitive.. or is it gender insensitive? I mean there’s a lot of gender stuff going on. So grow some skin.

This one is called LAID TO REST. Enjoy.

To download LAID TO REST in .pdf please click here

Oh, and this is the crude cover…

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P/S Don’t forget to check out my Amazon page for books, comics and lots more content. Thanks for reading. Feel free to Comment if you like. *smile emoji*