Tag Archives: society

THE MESSIAH COMPLEX

If you are new to the drama and glamour that is the Nigerian Election just wait till 2019. Oh boy! are you in for a treat. The campaign jingles will be catchy and memorable, The Promises to serve will be grandiose and verbose, People will get arrested, others freed, the Media and Social Media houses will experience a content frenzy. The excitement of the FIFA World cup pales in comparison to the quest for leadership in this Nation. And yet, after the high that the process gives, all we are left with is the crushing disappointment of reality. This is due in part to what I call…

 

THE MESSIAH COMPLEX

 

For some time now the Nigerian people have been fond of searching for “The One”. The Political Saviour who will arrive and completely change the country’s fortunes overnight. The Religious sensibilities of the people will reach a peak every four years. It would seem that every Electoral candidate comes with the promise of performing miracles.

Goodluck-Jonathan

 

I had no shoes” said President Goodluck Jonathan in the battle for 2011. It was a tale of Legend, a young boy whose lack of footwear could not hold him back from pursuing an education. We were intrigued to learn his secret. Four years of the most gruesome allegations of misappropriation later, a new warrior unsheathed his blade…

 

Muhammadu-Buhari-speech

 

“I am going to kill corruption” said President Muhammadu Buhari in 2015. We jumped at the opportunity. Finally, a man who killed vices with his bare hands. The change we needed became the change we never expected. The youths were reported to the colonial masters. “They want everything free”. It was an unkind critique of the human condition.

 

WHAT TO EXPECT

 

I eagerly anticipate the Miracles that will the claimed by the next set of aspirants, where every campaign banner will be photoshopped to the last hair, with quotes that illustrate a heaven within the reach of the people. If we have learnt one thing from our 58 years of independence, it is that the old ways do not work. Why then, would we continue to use them?

It would seem that the nation is aging in reverse. Personally, I would expect a leader to be the best representative of the people. If I had wanted someone to represent me, I would look for the strongest, the most intelligent, the most well spoken. A leader to me, is not a miracle worker, but one that inspires hope and gives a sense of direction. It is why we Africans idolize the Nelson Mandelas and Martin Luther Kings.

But maybe that’s just me. There is no escaping the conundrum. One must lead for others to follow, otherwise we all ply the roads with no direction. Would you rather drive your car into a ditch knowingly or unknowingly? My major gripe with the Nigerian people is that in the wake of religious and ethic disunity,
we have been so busy searching for answers that we forgot to ask questions. The only solution is inquiry. This time around,

 

ASK QUESTIONS

 

Ask for debates, Ask for town hall meetings, Ask for manifestos. Your candidate, who is he? Who is she? Where are they from? What have they done? What do they wish to do? What qualifies them for public service? How can they help the nation?

Ask and ask again, otherwise your voters card is just a tool for your slavery. For another four years at least.

 

P/S More fun awaits. Check out my Amazon page for books, comics and lots more content. Thanks for reading.

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LET’s TALK ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE

I just like the way white people operate, very smooth and calm like, ya know?

I mean don’t get me wrong, I love Black people, I love Asians, I love Hispanics, Smurfs, whatever your skin colour… that’s not the point of this post. It’s just that, white people have this, quality…

Take a country like ours for instance. If you bring a white man to your business the business will mysteriously start to grow. Lemme repeat that statement for you guys just in case you didn’t get that, in pidgin. If you bring oyibo come your shop, market go dey move. I’m not even joking about this.

The white dude doesn’t even have to do anything. Seriously, let’s test this. Find the nearest white guy in your area (this might be harder for those of you in Ojuelegba) and place him in front of your shop; right next to the carton of Indomie, and watch the business grow. Double props if it’s a white girl. It doesn’t even matter if she has like 50 tattoos or something. It’s all good. White people tattoos are the least dangerous tattoos you can think of…

tattoo

Have you seen when a white guy is covering the news, like when an earthquake happens?

Very calm and collected reporting–

“Three hundred people were killed today in Earthquake Rebecca today and fifty more were left injured. The disaster occurred at 3o’clock in the afternoon…” all with a straight face.

tv-reporter

You’d think she was telling a bedtime story or something.

Even when the disaster victim is white they’re still chill about it—

“Sir the earthquake took us all by surprise.. can you please tell us what happened, in your own words”

“Well, I was walking my dog around the area when I heard some strange noises. The ground began to shake so I thought ‘that’s weird’ that doesn’t usually happen, so I took cover under that tree, took a selfie and dialed 911…”
whos-that-girl-reporter-for-fox-sports-28-hq-photos-28

It’s surreal.

Now Imagine if the earthquake happened in this country. Even that imagination alone is enough to make some people shout “God forbid” at their phone screens talk less of the earthquake itself. Say an earthquake happened in Ikorodu…

“Sir the earthquake took us all by surprise.. can you please describe what happened in your own wor–”
….
“Chei! CHEI! Oh mY God, OH MY GOD……

I was just taking my baff next thing I heard.. GbUruMGBURUUURRUgburum so I jumped outside the window. That is why you are seeing me in my towel right now. I don’t think I can enter that house again until ma Pastor prays over the compound…”
…..

You know as a kid I used to think white people weren’t afraid of danger but that has to be ridiculous right? Everbody gets scared, right? right?

I remember watching a show called Jackass. In this show the characters would do the most humiliating hurtful things to their bodies. Like fight with bees and jump into a pool of ice water and fight bulls and shit. Now I noticed something about the characters of this show.

jackass

None of them were black.

They even had a white midget in there but no black guys. That show would never survive today.
….

Okay one last thing, to close out the post–

Remember the olden days when our forefathers lived in huts and wore lion skin and stuff? If you watch Africa Magic you know what I’m talking about.
The time where an African child’s mother would be like “My son, whatever you do, don’t go into the evil forest. If you go there you will DIE!”
And the son would say “No mother. I will not go into the evil forest. I do not want to DIE”

Now imagine if that woman adopted a white kid.

“William, I beg of you, in the name of God, do not go into the evil forest for any reason. If you do, you will DIE”

The white kid goes “Mom it’s okay, I went there yesterday it wasn’t that bad”

 

P/S Don’t forget to check out my Amazon page for books, comics and lots more content. Thanks for reading.