This thing has troubled me for wayy too long. Sometimes, I’ll put on the TV and think I’m watching Music Africa, only for somebody to tell me “No, that’s an AMERICAN RAPPER.” What is an AMERICAN RAPPER doing on MUSIC AFRICA then? Or am I not seeing clearly??
I cannot keep it to myself any longer. If he talks like a Nigerian, acts like a Nigerian and looks like a Nigerian, then he MUST be a Nigerian, no? I need to satisfy my conscience. I am pretty sure these people on my Television are 100% NIGERIAN and I will prove it to you RIGHT NOW. So let’s goo…
AMERICAN RAPPERS I’M SURE THAT ARE ACTUALLY NIGERIANS
You don’t have to look far to know that Future is an Igbo man. First off.. what grown man goes and names himself ‘Future’? A grown IGBO man, that’s who. He’s already naming himself after the next generation. FUTURE is probably short for FUTURE AND SONS LTD. PLC. or FUTURE SINACHI MUSICS. This brother is thinking ahead.
This guy dated CIARA and then dumped her when she started losing weight.. Don’t blame Future tho.. Igbo men LIKE their women with some meat on their bones. But when Ciara started putting ballerina clothes on and walking on tippy toes, Future was probably like “OGINI BU IFEAA!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!! I CANt TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!”
Have you even heard Future’s song “Let’s fuck up some commas”? That’s an IGBO ANTHEM right there mayne.. I’m saying that’s IGBO all over okay? Just listen to this guy: One thaasand to a hundred thaasaand, Hundred thaasand to five-hundred- thaaaaasand…. Five hundred thaasand to a million thaaaaaasand… Only Igbo men count like that, Only Igbo men talk like that… Come home Maazi Future.
Now many of you might have heard of this guy right here. This guy is Oliver de Coque reincarnated, man. This guy inherited his wardrobe from Osadebe directly, you understand? I heard the name of this guy’s new album is OSONDI OWENDI. Certified Igbo man right here. Goat meat peppersoup is probably his favorite flavor..
This guy is Phyno’s long lost twin brother aii? JIDENNACHUKWU… we are proud of you our son.. Nwoke Klaasique.
- MEEK MILL
Do you erm..Do you really need me to tell you how Yoruba this guy is?? This guy is more Yoruba than a DADA. Look, there’s no point doubting it. This guy is more Yoruba than Amala and Ewedu soup. This guy is more Yoruba than akara on a Saturday morning. This guy’s volume is Yoruba. His eyes, his lips, his skin – ALL Yoruba. Yoruba daddies have this guy on their playlist next to Pasuma Wonder.. I’m not even joking about that. If I put my TV on mute when this guy comes on, my neighbours complain the music is too loud. That’s Yoruba right there, brother. DAVIDO featured this guy on a track and I couldn’t tell who was who for the ENTIRE VIDEO. Come home bro.
But this wasn’t even what confirmed it for me. I was only like 92% convinced of Onward Mill’s yorubaness until he picked Domitilla, the original Sisi Eko, Nivcki Minaj to be his girl. The Yoruba is strong in this one. This brother complains on twitter on Sunday mornings. That spells one thing to me.. Y. O. R. U. B. A
- KENDRICK LAMAR
Kendrick Lamar is the true son of the soil. This boy spits schnapps. This boy has the spirit of two Lions—this boy has the spirit of Ojukwu you kno? This boy breaks kolanut in the studio before every session. Kendricki is what they call “Nwata siri Ike”.. Small but mighty. He is short for a reason bo. Too much fufu, that is. Igwe Kunta. This boy probably enters KFC and orders NKWOBI. This boy harvests new yam every afternoon.
First of all, Only a WARRI boy will name himself TYGA..
“Bros what’s your name?”
‘Tyga! Tyga!’ When you resemble an antelope tho..
This guy saw all the women in Hollywood and went to pick one smallie from Kim Kardashian’s house. Why?? Because WARRI NO DEY CARRY LAST. This guy shouts “AREA!” before every concert tho. This guy’s address is: No 2, Rack City Avenue, Rack City Street, Warri State, Warri. This guy’s shirts don’t come with buttons.
Now, there’s an issue we need to address on this guy right now, okay. Yes I know his name is OLUBOWALE AKINTIMEHIN, but calm down first, there’s a misconception somewhere..
You may be thinking Yoruba but this guy is definitely Hausa. I don’t know where the name came from, but this guy looks like the son of ZAAKI. This guy wears a hijab to his concerts. This guy shot a video with Nicki Minaj (See Clapperz) and he didn’t even look at her once. This guy is always staring into space… and you thought he was Yoruba. What Yoruba man can control the volume of their voice…Lets not argue this again. This guy probably takes off his slippers before entering the studio.
- DRAKE (Bonus)
Drake is a Calabar man. Don’t ask me, go to Cross River and ask. His reflection in the mirror is Akwa Ibom tho. Every girl he meets wants him to be their houseboy, you kno… Dog meat must be a delicacy in the 6.