First off, lemme say that Harry Potter is a good book.. err books, there’s 7 of them, so if you have read them, I want to state, that I solemnly swear, that the following read is not meant to undermine the book – books (darn it) in any way and is for comedic purposes. If you haven’t read the books, you’re in luck, because the funny words I’m about to say – write may seem even more fascinating to you. So stick around..
Harry Potter is a series of children’s books (and movies) written by JK Rowling (that’s Witch Mrs. JK Rowling to you muggle!) in which a young boy discovers he’s a wizard, and is introduced to the world of magic through Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry
1. The Wizarding world is highly inaccurate
As with most fantasy books, Harry Potter’s world is filled with inadequate structuring and succeeds in jumbling the laws of Physics, Mathematics, Biology, Chemistry, and even English to its will. It’s a world where trees move and Owls deliver letters better than the postman. Given the architecture of Hogwarts, many parts of it should have crumbled as they were built. Disappearing food (against better judgment) is trusted, and a 100 pound man could become a 3 ounce mouse. Amazingly, before Harry’s first trip to Hogwarts, he gets to fabled platform 9 ¾ by running through the middle of a wall separating platforms 9 and 10. Mathematically that would make it Platform 9 ½, unless they ran at it from an angle, or my knowledge of the London Underground is faulty.
But then what good would it do if I questioned the comfort of riding a wooden broomstick, or why a certain group of students are made to sleep in dungeons, and others in towers..
2. 7 Books = 7 Horcruxes
This assumption may be too sly to make, but can’t be ignored completely. As early as the second book (Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets), it is hinted that 7 is a magical number and the book’s lead villain, Voldemort (you can say his name now) splits his soul into 7 pieces (Horcruxes) in an attempt to “live forever”.
Maybe even more sly, that the first Horcrux happens to be a ‘diary’, which is also a book, and the series is dictated like a yearly memoir.
It would seem that JK would want her readers to believe that her books were a gateway to immortality and should be shielded from harm, lest pieces of your soul were destroyed..
3. The Wizarding World is Unsafe
If the world is unsafe enough as it is, the HP world is even more so. Every wizard or witches’ wand plays like a silenced gun, ready to take anyone out at any moment. The community is basically a group of assassins with or without a license to kill, as you are entitled to a wand as early as the age of 11.
Speaking of kids, Hogwarts isn’t safe for them either. Geographically and ethically so. Who’s to say an 11 yr old wouldn’t fancy an unguided swim in the lake of doom one day, or approach the giant tree that’s always whacking everything? Early in the series, a giant three headed dog is placed in the school, and the students are told to stay away from the corridor. But in a school where corridors move, how would someone tell what corridor they were on? Or even worse, what if the dogs broke loose?
In Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Hermoine indicates that Hogwarts is a fortress, which is debatable. In HP and the prisoner of Azkaban, convicted innocent Sirius Black passes into the school by ‘simply’ turning into a dog. The student dorms are guarded by… portraits, literally, but with passwords, for that secure feel. Students are even taught lessons in a dark forest, where they are introduced to magical, bloodthirsty, but beautiful, creatures.
It probably supports an argument that wizards and witches are going extinct. The ‘muggle’ world seems to hold more practical and safer alternatives to magical methods. According to the book, Wizards are even fascinated by muggles (like Mr. Weasley) so much that an entire department is dedicated to them (muggle studies), whilst in the muggle world, wizards are seen as freaks and wierdos.
4. Avada Kedavra = Abra Cadabra
A tongue-in-cheek jab at early magic show performers, who would dab their wands and say ‘Abra Cadabra’ to add credence to a trick. In the wizarding world of HP, it translates to a killing curse, which is quite ironic..
5. Go home sorting hat, you’re drunk
Many fans of the book try to allude the sorting hat some mystical powers of being able to divine what house a student belongs to, but all evidence points to the contrary. It’s a drunk hat that hears people’s thoughts when they put him (her?) on. Even if it wasn’t, whatever house a student was placed in never affected class schedules, or teaching staff, or even the friends they chose (maybe where they slept). The sword of Gryffindor was always going to present itself to a brave person even if they were from Hufflepuff house anyway. If the hat were any bit statistical, Harry would be placed in Slytherin, Hermoine would be placed in Ravenclaw, and Ron would probably be placed with Mr. Filch..
6. Names in Harry Potter
JK was generous enough to bless the series with many contrasting names of People, places, animals, things and even magical spells. Each probably done to add spice and deeper understanding to them. Either stand-alone or as anagrams each name seems to provide something special for the reader.
Who is to say it’s not coincidence that ‘Harp’-“otter” could talk to ‘Bass’-“eel”-isks? Or Argus Filch always Argued Filthy? Or Harry’s timid friend was called “Run” Weasley? Or that unfortunate things plagued Nev-“ill” Longbottom? or Wizard transport was done with Floo (Flew) Powder.. even down to the less glorious revelations like Rita ‘Skeet’-her..
7. Dumbledore drank memories
In HP and the half-blood prince, Harry Potter and his headmaster Dumbledore go to retrieve a not-so Horcrux from a cave guarded by magic. When they reach it, it’s immersed in a basin full of unnamed liquid Dumbledore is forced to drink, giving him painful hallucinations.
But wizards have been known to drink some of the nastiest things on earth. According to the books, polyjuice potion tasted terrible nasty, but they drank like champions (Barty Crouch). There’s also the every flavor beans (EVERY flavor), and recall when Ron was made to “eat slugs”? What then would be so nasty that one of the greatest wizards suffered to drink. I’ll tell you. BAD MEMORIES.
If Regulus Black really stole the necklace Horcrux then he’d have had to put an equally dark spell on the fake to give it that added sense of gloom. And with the amount of guarding the cave was given, it’s not like he’d have had a handy set of potions ready to mix. Fans already know that a Patronus is produced from a happy thought, and is powerful enough to cast away many dementors at once, and even scare Draco Malfoy out of his wits. If a happy thought could do that, how much more then, several bad thoughts?
Dumbledore would be able to recognize this instantly, having a basin of thoughts (Pensieve) of his own at home (school). And would know he needed to drink them. Remembering the only organ Dementors possess is a mouth, it would be where they are most affected by such spells. It could also explain why R.A.B sounded so optimistic in the letter. It was a gloomy place, but then, he’d transferred his gloomy thoughts to a bowl.
An added bonus: Remember when Dumbledore said to Harry “Fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself”? Harry mistook this to mean Voldermort’s name, and that other wizards were just stupid and scared of saying it. Arrogance I guess, probably inherited from his father (shoutout to Snape). But Dumbledore wasn’t talking about “Voldermort” at all. “Voldermort” was a signal used to detect wizard locations. So really Harry was the stupid one for saying it all the time… Dumbledore always called Voldermort by his true name…. Tom
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