Tag Archives: English

19 SLANGS

These are 19 of my favorite local slangs/proverbs and after a whole lot of enquiries, I think i’ve finally found out what they mean in plane english, brothers.

One thing must kill somebody / Everybody must die from something

meaning:

1. Life is short,

so shorten it…

The devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know

meaning:

1. Never change anything; Stay the same

2. Respect the status quo; Do not experiment;

3. Don’t go outside;

4. Vote PDP

No rest for the wicked / Body no be wood

meaning:

1. You’re a good person if you sleep a lot;

2. Workaholics are the devil

3. Stay vigilant or you’ll be attacked… by the vigilant

4. Don’t suffer your body too much… take alcohol instead

No food for lazy man

meaning:

1. In this economy, no food for working man either, what’s your point?

Horn before overtaking

meaning:

1. I have no trafficator,

2. no brake lights or headlights,

3. but if you dare to pass,

4. and then die,

5. you caused it.

6. What am I?

Good name is better than riches

meaning:

1. So I named my children Godswill, Godspower, Godisgood,

Godwin, Goddie, Godina and Godsriches

But did you die?

meaning:

1. You’re not in pain unless the answer is ‘yes’

2. Don’t complain;

3. Complain to your coffin

See me, See wahala

meaning:

1. See you, See wahala

Look at this one

meaning:

1. Idiot alert;

2. I just found another idiot;

3. You idiots amaze me

Are you mad?

meaning:

1. A term of endearment / how are you?

dey there now

meaning:

1. If you don’t know by now, you’re an idiot

2. Will you believe me or will you keep being an idiot?

3. I can’t explain, but you’re an idiot

Wake me up by 8

meaning:

1. I need someone to blame when I wake up by 10

2. My laziness is your responsibility

How far now?

meaning:

1. I need some money

What’s up?

meaning:

1. I need some money

Wetin dey?

meaning:

1. Where is the money?

I carried you when you were small

meaning:

1. Bro, do you even lift?

Happy birthday to me!

meaning:

1. For godssakes send money!

I can’t sleep

meaning:

1. Memories of my ex haunt me at night

What’s the time?

meaning:

1. I have no watch, so

you are my timekeeper for the evening

2. You have a nice watch, so… you’re my watch now

3. My time is very important to me… tell me what it is

4. Tell me your time, the universe depends on it!

slang 2

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GOBKEEN: A SHORT STORY

Think thick unshaven beard, pointed nose with a flat cap shadowing over the thickest pair of glasses you ever saw. For a security guard he seemed uninterested in the duffel bag strapped around my shoulder. His neck turned slowly, eerily, following my steps as I strutted towards the departure doors. I did well to avoid his gaze till I already had one foot in the building; then I spared a glance..

For some reason I was drawn to the print on the left breast of his shirt the most. “Gobkeen” it read. “Gobkeen” I muttered. The man nodded at me. In an instant he had risen from his seat and walked away. The lump in my chest never even had time to settle.
Who was this man? What the hell was Gobkeen?

judy

I head straight for my boarding pass. For some reason the queues are burgeoning on every airline but mine. I ask the attendant if there’s been a change in flight times (can they do that?), she assures me there isn’t. Soon a balding man approaches me from behind. Stubbed chin, thin creases around his nose and the most uninviting smile you ever saw.. “I can’t believe it’s really you!” he says. “I just love your movies.”

My movies? I had never known a set or a stage, yet this man showers praise on me for mastering them. I do not know enough to play along, so I raise my hand in protest, but he takes it in his.. “Especially Gobkeen, it brought tears to my eyes.” and just like that, he had disappeared from my sights. The attendants are observing me curiously from above their computers. I take my passport back.

Inception-confused

The departure lounge is filled with travellers, but for some reason the seats opposite me remain empty. Until she appears. Long eyelashes, press permed hair, and the largest earrings you ever saw. Before I can avert my eyes she points her camera phone in my direction. Emblazoned in the casing are the same seven words that have trailed me all night. “Gobkeen?” I question her. She nods slowly, eerily, pointing to the large glass sheet exposing the runway. My flight is arriving. I do not think I should take it.

barrack

(skit) ERRORS IN COMMUNICATION

doctor

 

It happens to all of us. Sometimes light hearted jokes may come off as total insults to those we tell them to. Then we look like complete jackasses, unintentionally of course..

Take for instance the following conversation between BF and GF, a cute couple, window shopping for yoga pants. BF sees a particular pair of ugly ones (yoga pants) and says..

 

BF: “Damn, those look nice”

GF: “What’s nice about them?”

BF: “I was being sarcasti– ironic”

 

The statement “I was being sarcasti– ironic” is the real bone of contention in this case, which I will now analyse..

 

oldcomputer

 

INTENTION:

BF has made a sarcastic comment about the yoga pants by saying they look nice when they actually look stupid. He hopes that GF will notice the glaring disparity in his logic and find it funny, maybe laugh.

But it goes over her head and instead, GF asks him to explain his comment. So he is in damage control. His initial impulse is to say it was sarcastic but he makes the switch to ironic instead. He doesn’t want her to think he was messing with her head on purpose just for fun, so he goes for the lighter term “ironic” which implies he was only messing with the language OR

BF feels ironic will be an easier concept for her to understand than sarcastic, since she exhibits a lapse in the knowledge of sarcasm. Because GF did not grasp his earlier joke, BF assumes she is not used to sarcasm, and takes it out of the statement. so he’s thinking Mission accomplished! but what he doesn’t know is..

 

RESULT #1:

GF did not pay attention to the first statement. so she did not notice the obscure wittiness in ‘Damn, those look nice‘ she actually believes he thinks the hideous pair of yoga pants looks nice and is trying to understand why. She understands the concept of Sarcasm, but only just realises BF was being sarcastic, when he says…

“I was being sarcasti-ironic”

Now GF’s feeling’s are hurt, because she thinks BF does not think her smart enough to understand sarcasm when she actually does,

but she was only a bit slow on the uptake                                                          OR

 

RESULT #2:

GF actually understands the sarcasm perfectly, in fact she understands it so much, it does not evoke any emotion when he says “Damn, those look nice

It is in fact BF that does not understand the sarcasm in her statement “what’s nice about them”… here, GF has given BF the opportunity to continue the conversation in sarcasm to satisfy his ego. She has given him leeway to keep cracking jokes, and a listening ear, but BF mistakes it as a flaw in her understanding,

She thinks, BF thinks she’s stupid, and pities her enough not to tell her… now GF’s feelings are hurt, OR

 

RESULT #3:

GF does not understand both the terms “sarcastic” and “ironic” and thinks BF has uttered a new word “sarcastironic” which is an alien term to her. She feels too ashamed to ask what the ‘word’ means so she acts like she knows. GF feels bad she could not detect the sarcastironism earlier.

GF may also think “sarcastironism” a rare medical condition BF never told her about. She begins to think BF is hiding things from her. now GF’s feelings are hurt, OR

 

RESULT #4

GF likes the pair of yoga pants, and is enthused when BF makes the statement “Damn, those look nice

She believes BF shares her passion in admiring them and encourages him to bring his feelings into the limelight, so she can meet him halfway. Unfortunately, BF encores with Sarcasm/Irony/Sarcastironism.

now GF’s feelings are hurt, OR

 

RESULTS #6

GF HATES the pair of yoga pants, and wants to see them die. The fact that BF has paid them any attention only intensifies her hatred for the product. She is displeased with BF’s response in any form..

What’s NICE about them?”

GF’s feelings are hurt bad

 

Analysis

 

 

In Conclusion..

RESOLUTION #1:

Don’t talk

 

RESOLUTION #2:

Keep Calm and Buy Yoga pants